Welcome to Reflections of a Buddhist Pole Dancer!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Running From, Running Toward

Five miles. I made up my mind this morning to run the full five miles on West Cliff, something I hadn't done for a long, long time. A brisk, beautiful day, the waves, less savage than the stormy days prior, reached the shore with faded enthusiasm. Not me, though-- I was just getting started!

What I'm running FROM:
  • The feeling of helplessness: Fear of Macy's lows. Particularly at night or when she's at school. I often feel like it's my fault-- did I give her too much insulin? Too little food? Am I so bad at math that I miscalculated her carbs?
  • Anger: See above.
  • Muffin top: The way I see it, Oil spills. Milk spills. But mid-section spills? Enough of that already!

What I'm running TOWARD:

  • Peace of mind: I sort so much out when I run.
  • Strength: Five miles! I love the way it feels when I push myself a little bit more.
  • Balance: Running is one of the only things I do by myself, just for me.
  • Health: Fresh ocean air and my heart is pumping!
  • Joy: I absolutely love running!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Fair-Weather Runner Gets Water Wings!

One tired girl plus one rainy day equals one big nap if given the chance....at least that's what I thought I'd do when Brian took Brendan for a while today. Since I don't run in the rain (one of my personal rules), I might as well rest. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and course work didn't appeal at the time (nor did they any time, really). Like the children in The Cat in The Hat, Miley and I solemnly stared out the window wishing for a brighter day. Actually, Miley didn't give a damn what the weather was like. She was patiently waiting for the next unauthorized dog to walk by so she could yap her little head off. To heck with it, I thought, I'll run despite (to spite?)the rain. And so Miley and I took off.

And we didn't even melt.

It was a fantastic run! Whenever I see someone exercising in foul weather I always assume they got stuck outside when in started raining and now are headed home. As I looped past my house three times I realized this is not always the case. Thanks to newly-downloaded Queen on my ipod, I even did some tough hill work at the end. Yay me!

Today I am thinking about:

  • Ways to stay present and keep Macy centered when she goes low and/or gets frustrated
  • Why my ears, scalp and legs and under-arms get so itchy after showering
  • That the cherry blossoms are absolutely gorgeous and I should take the kids to stand beneath them
  • That anyone interested in learning what a diabetic low feels like should visit www.sixuntilme.com and watch Kerri's 2/5 vlog. Amazing insight.
  • That I can learn a lot from Miley about enjoying the moment
  • Quiche (I'm making it for dinner)
  • Polka dots

Monday, February 2, 2009

If she's right can I please wake her up now?

Tonight Macy and I were having some close time together after dealing with another "low." Hoping to get an insight to how she sees this all, I asked her why she thinks she has diabetes. Her reply (verbatim and spoken very matter-of-fact-like):
"I don't think I have diabetes. I think I'm in a really long dream. And it's a nightmare."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dog Training 101: Lessons from the Leash

On this sunny Sunday I was afforded the luxury (read: time) of running on West Cliff Drive. What a morning! The sky was clear, the temperature was just right for running, and I actually had energy! I took our 1-year old mixed spaniel, Miley, with me. I've found that not only do I like her company, but running with her is a great way to reinforce her training. I took note that I said only five phrases to her throughout the whole run: Leave It, Stay Close, Let's Go, Almost Home and (with much enthusiasm) Good Girl! Miley responded to all really well and we had a wonderful time.

For once I tuned out my ipod (not bothering to turn it on except for the stopwatch feature) and just listened to the waves, seal lions, and - of course- my internal chit-chat.

As I coached Miley away from dogs and birds and toward the home-stretch I mused about the commands I use with her. What if I applied them to my own personal training-- my training to be the best I can be? I saw it clearly: the Leave It command, spoken with authority, could redirect me when I travel with too many circular thoughts or venture too close to the cookie jar. Stay Close would remind me to stay on track and to stay with what I know to be good, right and true. Let's Go might gently push me when I lag and Almost Home would renew my commitment when I near completion of a goal. Finally, Good Girl!, delivered often with authenticity, cheer and at least one exclamation point, could reinforce positive behavior and just make me feel loved.

The beauty of this dog-training for people-training approach is its simplicity and familiarity. But I refuse to eat freeze-dried liver treats. :)

A poem I love...

I put on my rose-colored glasses
I sit down with them on
look around.

By Renea Jo Zosel, author of Diabetes: An Emotional Journey