Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Started a new exercise program last week. I am fluffier (read: fatter) than I've been and of course I can't have that. Seriously beginning to doubt that I'll ever be free from the shackles of an eating/image disorder. Heck, I am 45 years old and still singing the same effed-up song! Anyway, I am doing Focus T25, by Beach Body. Too early to know if it'll make a difference, but I do kind of like it. It's very difficult to "be" with the way I am right now. I walk this tight-rope of trying to get fit, and then wanting to say "screw it, I'll eat/do whatever I want." I am locked in self-loathing. I need to invite my inner Buddhist back for tea. Perhaps some chamomile. Maybe I'll serve it in the smiley cup.
Photo credit: http://snowyowl199513.deviantart.com/art/Sad-Eraser-Happy-Cup-167552515