I am becoming fluffier by the day. Fluffy bunnies are cute. Fluffy pancakes are desired. Fluffy clouds are welcomed. A fluffy Michelle = None of these things. I don't like the way my waistline spills over my waistband. I don't like that the scale seems to only go up, not down. I don't like that my current weight doesn't match my driver's license and I'm afraid it never will again. So here I am, 47, and still bumming out about my bod. To make matters worse, I bum myself out by still bumming out about my bod! I think I'll take a few minutes to sort out some of my ideas around body image and weight loss. This is stream-of-consciousness journaling. Here goes: Ready, Aim, Fire!
- Dieting makes me grouchy. So does being over my goal weight.
- Switching perspectives helps sometimes. I'd like to "get healthy," not "lose weight."
- Scrap that -- I really do want to lose weight.
- I have enough stuff (programs, clothes, books) and don't need to delay fitness by buying one more thing/joining one more club/reading one more cleanse.
- I like cookies better than rice cakes.
- I really do think losing weight will make me happy.
- Even if weight is "just a number," I'd like a lower number, please.
- I love feeling strong.
- I love kicking tail on Laurent Hill.
- I love feeling fit and running long runs successfully.
- Giving up things often makes me want them more (I'm talking to you, Wine and Chocolate).
- Every thing in moderation is easier said than done.
- My best "clean" days start with green smoothies.
- Sleep is my best weight-loss pill.
- I'm afraid that I'll keep gaining weight.
- I'm often ashamed of my appearance/weight when I am in public.
- My body-shaming voice doesn't usually chime in until I get dressed each day.
- Evenings are when I usually overeat.
- I don't want to pass my body image issues to my kids.
- I'm pretty sure I am passing my body image issues to my kids.
- My husband deserves the best version of me.
- Feeling fit helps me feel sexy.
- Gymnema helps me stay away from sugar.
- I wish I could accept me As Is.
- I am pretty sure I'll never be able to accept myself As Is, unless that As Is is perfect, which it will never be.
- That makes me sad.
- I am more than my love handles.
- I have more energy when I eat clean and follow a fitness program.
- Good music makes me run faster, harder and longer.
- I am capable of doing better than I am right now.
- I envy people who are confident in their skin.
- I have so much to be grateful for.
- I still have a lot of work to do.
- I'm ready.
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