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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Stream of Consciousness: Thoughts About Me and Dieting

I am becoming fluffier by the day. Fluffy bunnies are cute. Fluffy pancakes are desired. Fluffy clouds are welcomed. A fluffy Michelle = None of these things. I don't like the way my waistline spills over my waistband. I don't like that the scale seems to only go up, not down. I don't like that my current weight doesn't match my driver's license and I'm afraid it never will again. So here I am, 47, and still bumming out about my bod. To make matters worse, I bum myself out by still bumming out about my bod! I think I'll take a few minutes to sort out some of my ideas around body image and weight loss. This is stream-of-consciouness journaling. Here goes: Ready, Aim, Fire!

  • Dieting makes me grouchy. So does being over my goal weight. 
  • Switching perspectives helps sometimes. I'd like to "get healthy," not "lose weight."
  • Scrap that -- I really do want to lose weight. 
  • I have enough stuff (programs, clothes, books) and don't need to delay fitness by buying one more thing/joining one more club/reading one more cleanse. 
  • I like cookies better than rice cakes.
  • I really do think losing weight will make me happy. 
  • Even if weight is "just a number," I'd like a lower number, please.
  • I love feeling strong. 
  • I love kicking tail on Laurent Hill.
  • I love feeling fit and running long runs successfully.
  • Giving up things often makes me want them more (I'm talking to you, Wine and Chocolate).
  • Every thing in moderation is easier said than done.
  • My best "clean" days start with green smoothies.
  • Sleep is my best weight-loss pill.
  • I'm afraid that I'll keep gaining weight.
  • I'm often ashamed of my appearance/weight when I am in public.
  • My body-shaming voice doesn't usually chime in until I get dressed each day.
  • Evenings are when I usually overeat. 
  • I don't want to pass my body image issues to my kids.
  • I'm pretty sure I am passing my body image issues to my kids.
  • My husband deserves the best version of me.
  • Feeling fit helps me feel sexy.
  • Gymnema helps me stay away from sugar.
  • I wish I could accept me As Is.
  • I am pretty sure I'll never be able to accept myself As Is, unless that As Is is perfect, which it will never be.
  • That makes me sad.
  • I am more than my love handles. 
  • I have more energy when I eat clean and follow a fitness program.
  • Good music makes me run faster, harder and longer.
  • I am capable of doing better than I am right now.
  • I envy people who are confident in their skin.
  • I have so much to be grateful for.
  • I still have a lot of work to do.
  • I'm ready.

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